God knows better.
As Muslims, we say Allah. So, Allah knows better. I do not know better than Allah. You, too. I will also say that I am not a bulletproof spirit who is unshaken by faith. Sometimes, I do feel I have fallen from God's Grace.
Because the situation happens not what I expected.
We are no angels. We can only try to be steadfast or keep the days in unwavering faith. We do fail on other days, too. Right? I do.
Today, when I look at the schedule, I am unsure if the week ahead will be a bearable one. Yet, I have to leave my emotions aside when I think of the need to make money for a few hours or days.
I realized I am having a week without work, as good as a vacation. My mind race into ideas.
Shall I hitch a random part-time job? Where can I get a random part-time job that I do not need to commit to weekly? Is it a good idea to treat it as a week of clearing the "annual leave"? Is it better to spend more time with my dad?
When such a situation happens, I usually write down the pros and cons. What will I lose out on? What will I gain?
One thing I derive from it is that only Allah knows best. I do not. And when we want to give comfort to ourselves, we will tell ourselves good reasons. All the good reasons are to think good of God.
Perhaps Allah knows I am not ready to return to work. Perhaps Allah knows the challenges He set for days ahead meant for others. And not for me because Allah will not allow us to go through something we can't bear.
We do not know. I do not know.
All the "perhaps" we are telling ourselves is meant to encourage us, not bring us down further.
Remember that when we tell ourselves a different story of positive possibilities, we are not higher in knowledge than God.
We are consoling and comforting ourselves to remain strong...That there is a time for everything.
Today, O Lord, I chose to believe that the 1-week break from work will prove to be an excellent time to recharge and renew my spirit, mind, and body. As I am what I look forward to. Amin.
xoxo,
Nourellyssa